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My Comments & Reviews:
JEdwardNolan
Wed Mar 24 01:06:35 2010
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| My Review of A Girl on a Swing Set by
Keneisha
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BEAUTIFUL  |
| I was afraid to read this after "Fantasy". This was an amazing piece, almost flawless in itself. I really, really liked this, though it enters a little slow, it comes into its own, and is very compelling. As you pointed out to me, I understand you have an edited version, but this was really, really good. |
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JEdwardNolan
Wed Mar 24 00:45:00 2010
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| My Review of Silent Whispers by
Keneisha
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Hot.  |
| Here you have something going that is romantic, erotic, and sensual. It is nothing short of sexy, without pornographic. This was an impressive feat for someone as young as you are, and a little disturbing that someone as young as you are is so involved in understanding the dynamics of this poem. |
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JEdwardNolan
Wed Mar 24 00:34:28 2010
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| My Review of Nightmare by
Keneisha
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Waking to reality  |
This is an incredibly moving poem. It is descriptive, and compelling. That being said, it is also disturbing. The one thing in life I cannot understand is suicide; the concept of taking a life; ones own life; why? What could ever be so bad that the next sunrise will not wash away?
Life is too precious a thing; Blood is too precious a commodity, in these times.
All the same, Brava, your skill shows here very clearly. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 23 18:29:40 2010
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| My Review of I Kicked a Whore (Katy Perry-I Kissed a Girl) by
3xes
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| Nice parody |
| There aren't enough people who parody music anymore. This is something I would really like to hear in full production, with a woman singer, and the full music. I think you should get that on the roll so we can further enjoy this piece. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 23 18:26:44 2010
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| My Review of For You by
deep_soul
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| comforting. |
| It IS truly nice to know that when we feel alone, often there is someone there all along that we could have looked to. That being said. You don't need all the ...s and the ........s because the poem reads well enough on its own. Once you repair spellchecks, and similies. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 23 18:14:54 2010
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| My Review of incest by
Regenatris
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| Oh my God. |
| There was a girl I loved when I was very young, named Avery. She liked me, and loved me back, but, would not leave her brother for me. I can't frown on people who indulge in different lifestyles, but I CAN say that it is unhealthy emotionally, and a dangerous familial practice. A brother is a brother for life, so breakups are impossible. A family with him would be impossible, because children could be sick, and weak, and mal formed. It's a dangerous love. Having said that: I really enjoyed this poem. Your work says a lot of the things that you WON'T say when we talk in Shoutbox, or PMs. I commend you for even posting this, because most people would never admit to such a thing. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:53:51 2010
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My Review of Peel Back The Layers by
 bianca
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| Fearfully, brave. |
| Do you know what cowardice is? Cowardice is rushing into battle because it is easier to look at the reflection in the mirror. You say you're a scared little girl, but here I see a protagonist (the author) who can stare herself down and admit she's afraid. Me? I think I'll stick with bounty hunting. There is no truth to it, and no personal responsibility. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:49:47 2010
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| My Review of UNKNOW WAR/blooded brothers by
elfqueena
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A good beginning.  |
| Since you've been kind enough to post and review in my reference works, I thought I would look at your work and see the potential I'm working with out there. I have advice for you, a lot of advice, and some of it has to do with your story, some of it with your method. I realise, according to your comments left in my workr, that you're somewhat amatuer in this. Your story reads well enough, though you have a lot of run on sentences, misplaced punctuation, misappropriated punctuation, 'and a few issues with 3P0 (3rd Person Omniscient). I like the story itself, you seem to have the basic grasp down, though I would like to see you show more of the battle, than tell it. Campfire tales make good for boyscout excursions, but a professionally written piece is amazing when told with compelling action. Like I said, I enjoyed this, but I think a lot of people on this site are on a review/review basis, and this site has become a very vain/vanity stricken site, where one positive review gains another. Since I want to help you, I can assure you I'll never be less than honest, and help you get your work to where you think you want it to be. Also: do not portray your work based off of what writers here enjoy. The people in this community are supportive, and quite possibly, over supportive. Thi can be so detrimental to your goals. Continue writing, write for the story, for now, and worry about your audience second. I have faith that you'll write something awesome that will be beyond words, or critique. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:40:53 2010
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| My Review of Memories by
bianca
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| Breaking even... |
...the one thing I think I CAN cope with after a break up is the knowledge that I leave with more than I came. That I entered the relationship less knowledgeable, and left it all the wiser.
If that wisdom were money, it would buy a country. The wealth of knowledge is limited only to our understanding of the events that occured before, during, and up to the end. We may not truly be masters of our destiny, but we have a hand in deciding at least how to play t from the cards fate deals us. We can always draw, or fold, and get a new hand. If you walk away from the gambling table with what you came in with, or more, then you win. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:36:51 2010
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| My Review of Diseased Love by
bianca
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| Love, like religion. |
What is it about an emotional hurricane that tramples our resolve? Sometimes, we spend so much time with someone, that we are only with them for the sake of time, and we; they, and us, have taken for granted what was, and failed to see what became as Not. When the realization comes, it's like a funeral, except the other is still alive, a walking eulogy of a relationship failed. However it ends, often, there is pain, and love, like organized religion, may sometimes take a hold of us, and mislead us, bind us, and hurt us. We cast our exes away, but answer every call. We taste the hatred, and the fighting, because at least then we feel something... which is better than nothing. In the beginning. We go through steps of denial, anger, sadness, and eventually we reach acceptance, but by then, how far we've traveled, what have we gained?
Strength. It is true, certainly, that which does not kill us, shall only make us stronger. We thrive, and grow on our experiences. The lesson here, to avoid the traits that brought us to this pain to begin with, and find in our mates the details we loved so much. We do this until we get it right. We live, we learn, we grow.
I truly enjoyed this poem, I think I over relate to it... but who could not? |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:27:18 2010
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| My Review of Death by
bianca
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| Death is a Stalker |
What is it about death that frightens so many people? Frankly, the idea of not having to pay taxes appeals a great deal to me... however, I can certainly wait until old age takes it's toll ::knocks on wood:: thank you very much. In this poem, I somewhat envy death, and she lingers around you, affecting you in such a way that you are responsive to the chills, and her creeping hand. Certainly I have never more wanted to be a celestial entity more than I did here, if you'll excuse my macabre flirtation, that such attention is drawn from you to her cold embrace.
I disagree with the prior review about the creativity of your title... The poem is about death, so if you titled it "Manhattan Afternoon and Dasies" it would seem oddly out of place. You write beautifuly here, and give me something to aspire to. Good job, Bianca. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:08:20 2010
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| My Review of lalala land by
cryer_baby
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wrapped around his finger  |
| ...take your talent and use it for something meaningful beyond teenage love. I promise you there are things of more lasting consequence, and I LOVED the last poem of yours to which I reviewed. I think you should set your heights and sights to something bigger than what's happening here, and now. This is only a suggestion, but I have twenty years of experience in writing. It's something to think about. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 12:02:40 2010
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| My Review of regret? by
cryer_baby
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| Absolutely stunnine. |
This is a piece that moved me, a far cry better than the last poem I reviewed. I may be a dark person, and a person of dark tastes, but this piece was romantic, and beautiful, and solemn, and lonely to me all at once. I had a good time reading it, it was emotionally charged, but subtle emotions. I misjudged you, based off of the first work I read, the one you requested for review in the shout box. You're a decent poet, and I knew you would be.
Thank you, Madame. |
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Mar 22 11:57:38 2010
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| My Review of I'm Letting Out the Truth by
cryer_baby
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| What? |
| How come you repeatedly misspell the word "you" as "yooh"? You misspelled "okay" as "ohkay"... and what could have been a decent poem ended up being distracted, and underwhelming. I regret when people who have a shred of talent waste it by attempting uniquity, or creative spelling of otherwise simple words. They take something that could have been awesome, and they bring it down to a level of mediocrity. To show you I mean well, I'm sending you three applause, and an additional 3 points donation so you can write something new, and powerful. Of course I think you can do it. Apply yourself. |
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JEdwardNolan
Fri Mar 19 18:05:45 2010
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| My Review of Much Harder Life by
ActionStarr
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| Topping the charts? |
| I liked this. A lot. You're establishing a grand beat, and I think something like this should be performed against an orchestra, and a snare beat. It would wash hard man, and flow like a tsunami. |
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JEdwardNolan
Thu Mar 18 21:45:31 2010
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| My Review of You by
jadedrose
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| Beautiful Agony |
| I revel in this, bask in the pain. This is my world, you're writing. This is my entire world. I am sorry that someone put you in a place that made you feel this way. You get five stars; one, this is a good poem; two, it is not for me to judge you on how you ou did beautifully here. |
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JEdwardNolan
Thu Mar 18 21:36:41 2010
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| My Review of Nightmare chapter 1 by
jadedrose
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| ...tricky. |
| I have to be honest. I had to read this twice in a row, and then read it out loud to myself so I could insure that I had gotten the whole story, and understood it. It isn't that your idea is bad; you have a great idea, but for some reason it read pitchy, and a little campfire to me. I highly suggest a few rewrites of this. Read this once, maybe twice, then rewrite it from memory. Try not to be so wordy. Avoid adverbs, and adjectives if you can, and I guarantee you at least a four, or five star work by the time your rework hits the wall again. |
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JEdwardNolan
Wed Mar 17 18:27:09 2010
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| My Review of I wish by
BrokenxDoll_12
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| To break; to be broken |
| I loved this piece. Sadness has a profoundly beautiful effect on me, putting me into a place I love being (pain). This piece was fulfilling, and yet, I empathize with sorrow for your suffering, understanding that there is a sacrifice made when I consume your sorrows for my gratification, and fulfillment. You get 5/5, and the encouragement to keep writing, and find your piece. |
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JEdwardNolan
Wed Mar 17 18:09:13 2010
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| My Review of detrimental to my success by
Jazzy9829
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| Just say No |
| This is a little bit of a tongue in cheek poem, but you know what? Coming from the girl who leaves risque messages in my poetry, you've made a wise decision. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 16 08:42:51 2010
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| My Review of Battlecry by
ActionStarr
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| Urban warfare |
| It is strange a thing, urban warfare, and the reasons these gangs kill one and other. There is no TRUE political basis behind it; no jihad; no search and rescue; urban warfar is the essence of guerilla combat, sans the purpose behind it, and I wonder to what degree victory should bring? |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 16 08:40:21 2010
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| My Review of Heater In My Lap by
ActionStarr
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| Chilling |
| This was a darker, and more rhythmatic piece that I really enjoy. The syllables almost entirely match up, so your work has progressed into itself very well. I enjoyed this piece, however violent, and it reminded me of some of my favorite rhymes from Chronic2001 by Dre. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 16 08:31:43 2010
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| My Review of Sleep Deprived Incantations. by
HauntingWords
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| Utter, sheer madness! |
| Soulmate!!! Just kidding. But seriously. I have this very exact phenomena... The most I've stayed up without sleep was 2 weeks straight, the usual minimum is three to four days, and after a few hours I'm good to go until my body can no longer handle it. And as every day progresses my mind is both sharper, and more so numb, smarter, and more so dim witted. I embrace the madness, and chaos; the flittering images, speeded sound, and hyperawareness that is the natural psycopsilin of the mind. You wrote something scary here, something scary, because of how entirely true it is, the overcontrasted world through the eyes of one who cannot possibly wake for another day, and finds that sleep will not come. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 16 08:27:25 2010
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| My Review of Midnight Whispers by
HauntingWords
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| You call it horror... |
| I call it sexy. This poem is the kind of work that moves me. It reflects a subtle beauty of darkness, recognized, and possibly embraced by the author's soul. The Genre reflects the madness within, and I would know well enough about that. All artists carry it, but only a handful may successfully translate it in their lives, and in this macabre tale of nightmares, and whispers, these dark thoughts that invade us all, you share the translation well. Poe would be proud. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 16 08:24:53 2010
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| My Review of The Bottom Of A Bottle. by
HauntingWords
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| 1PO |
You cannot account for less than five stars for something so personal... not just so personal, but so personal, and personally well written. I enjoy a beverage time to time, but literally once or twice a month, and only a single glass worth sipping on. I know the dangers, and the allure that the drink offers, and the demons it may raise. I saw it in my father, and sister once, and I understand all too well what you mean when you close those doors behind you. For my dad, he's dust and bone now. For my sister, she's hard a lesson learned.
I enjoy when there is a message in work that reads well, and is not preachy. To these both, you are accomplished. Good job. |
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Mar 16 08:19:32 2010
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| My Review of The Poet. by
HauntingWords
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| Outstanding |
| I enjoyed this sorta self-tribute to your audience. To write about one self, and your own skill takes brass, and you've got brass to the nines. For someone to write like this they best damned well be able to back it up, and you delivered. So thank you for this,and I hope to see more of your work in the future. |
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Showing Critiques 26 to 50 (Page 2) of 127 (6 Pages)
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