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Author: WillowMidnight

Created: April 16, 2010 at 04:02 am

Entry Type: Short Story, G (All)

Category: Dark | Despair | Love

Entry Stats: 4.59 Stars by 5 users with 5 comments 313 views

Bloody Oak

Her heart swept to the floor, as his cool touch brushed across her cheek
'Why?' she whispered; feeling as through she might die any second. Her heart had all but stopped, this was so right, to true, so real.
He turned to her. Brushing the silky snow white hair away from his eyes "Because you are my everything"'
His voice rang through her ears like crystal ice. She didn’t know what to do. Everything she had been put though. It had all come to this. This very second. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to do anything. Nothing. Her pulse fasten, her heart stared to been once again. It was true!
-
She woke with a start. To good to be true. It wasn’t real. But it was. Every touch seemed to be engraved into her very skin. As through his hand, had truly laid there. But why? No! This wasn’t fair. She cried out in pain. Banging her fists on the floor like a tiny child. What had he done to her. It was never meant to be like this. Never in a thousand years. "you are my everything” his words echoed through out her very mind. She stopped crying, and brushed her damp black hair across her face. She was acting like a princess. Nothing but a Spoiled little princess, excepting everything to go her way. Its his fault, she told herself. Trying to make herself fell better. "That’s it!" she yelled across her room. Leaping to her feet she ran to her bed room window, gazing apron the world below her. Nothing to pretty but your normal small town. Out side her window stood an oak tree. Growing up her father would tell her stories about how the tree had come to be "Planted by the goddess" he would say. How she missed him. He could hug all her worries away. But its to that late for that has gone now. They both are. She sighed, dangling her legs out the window. She glanced back once more as the moon lit her room. She would miss this. Miss having her younger sister come in at night. Calming she had another nightmare. These no turning back now. She must leave. And quickly. Dawn was apron her. Soon people would be up, and around. This had to be done before than. So no one could stop her. No one. She lifted her arms; reaching out for the tree "Goodbye my home" she whispered, closing her eyes. Slowly she climbed down the tree. It was something she had always done. Sneaking down at night to meet him. But for what? To be treated like she didn’t mean anything. Like her feelings meant nothing to him. Oh how so longed for him to hold her. To press his lips up glanced her. Shaking her head, riddling of the thoughts, she touched solid ground. Taking a deep breath she beam to run. Fast. Twining around the apple trees. Through the grape vines. Far away. She needed this. A way out. It was her only hope. Everything else had failed her. Everything. No one could be trusted, she could hardly bring her self to trust herself. How could she ever think of trusting another. Not after everything. No! A single tear swept down her rosy cheek. Leaving a trailer of fire behind. How could he! How dear he treat her like that! Nothing more. How could there be nothing more. He lead her on. That’s what he did. Made her believe there was something that never was.
Death! Bring death forth to me, she though. She dove under the vines, not even bothering to worring about the cuts it was leaving. Deeper and deeper she ran. Finally slowing to a complot holt. She looked up at the sky and screamed out hard. Around a tree hung the rope. Her escape. Her way free from this messy life. To get away from it all, is all she ever wanted. She took her long hair into her hand, tiring it back, out of the way. A cold shiver ran up her spin. She looked around. The feeling of wafting eyes was apron her. But no one was to be seen. Not a sound was in the air. Not a whisper from the earth. She was alone. Just like always. From the day or birth to the day of her death. Alone. She sighed reaching out for the rope. Sliding the noose around her slim neck. This was the end. A sad smile swept across her face. The end she had always wished for was happening. "Goodbye My One True Love" she whispered closing her eyes. Taking a step forward, falling off the small step. Freedom... Through her feet never made it to the air. Something was around her waist. It burned. Leaving her screaming in pain. What was this! Something went wrong? Am I in hell? She asked herself. The burning eased. It become something driftnet. Slowly she opened her eyes. Only to find when she was looking at was blurred. Her vision had gone? No. It was still there. Her eyes had become foggy with tears. Through not tears of fear. They were tears of overwhelming love. He was there. He had cached her. She was not alone anymore. Not as she has always through. His bed blue eyes scorched her heart. Making her fall in love all over again. Just like the dream. He was here for her. He lifted her up, taking the noose off her neck, and simply kissed her.

Author Notes

I got kinda bored, and came up with this...

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Comments & Reviews (

X 3)

JEdwardNolan
April 21, 2010

Helpful:

BORED WRITER WEAVES GOLD

That's what the headline will probably be. I LOVE dark writing and this was undoubtedly one of the darker pieces I've read here. A lot of the kids here (kids being anyone six or more years younger than myself) assume that dark writing is an over exemplified use of suicide, murder, rotting, zombies, etc.

Certainly your story is a suicide attempt, no doubt, but the build up (while not necessarily justifying suicide) explains her contempt for life, and longing for love, and willingness to die to be reunited.

Now. That being said. I gave you 5.0 out of 5.0... and I never, ever actually do that to anyone here. I DO leave long expositions explaining my feelings about the work, and a critique, and for you I'll do no different.

Your story is good, and like I said. I love darkness. However, that being said (redundancy alert), I should tell you: this is a good first draft. I noted that you got bored, and wrote it. That's awesome. Now rewrite it, and when you do that, write it again. This thing is a good thing going, but it screams first draft clearly. Modern works don't typically have phrases such as "leap forth". Also, spelling.

Everyone, myself included, is guilty here of posting with misspells, and typographical errors, but yours appears to lack any editing whatsoever which means you likely typed it up here, and not in a processor. There is still a spellcheck function I think, and if not, you should use a processor and then cut and paste.
You have outstanding talent, and I admire and appreciate your ability to grasp romance, and darkness all in one despairative story, capped even with a relatively happy ending (depending on how you perceive it).

In my perception of this; she died... and didn't know it. In my perception of this, her lover is only catching her soul; not her body. She wouldn't know it, because the dead don't see our side any more often than we see theirs (at least that's how I perceived the ending).

Yeah. Rewrite the heck out of this thing. Shorten it; avoid wordiness for the sake of taking up space; avoid verbs, and adjectives. Show; don't tell.

You're work is amazing.

I look forward to reading more.

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