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pUpPeT - DiARy oF a MaDMaN
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Author:
JonLondon
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| Created: September 07, 2010 at 08:18 am |
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Entry Type:
Poem, M (16+)
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| Category: Dark | Dark | Dark |
| Entry Stats: 4.86 Stars by 23 users with 25 comments 317 views |
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pUpPeT - DiARy oF a MaDMaN 
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You think I'm stupid don't you
I can see it in your blood filled eyes
But you're quiet now aren't you puppet.
With no tongue in your head
It's hard to vocalize.
Not that I mind
If I'm being honest.
'Honest'
Now there's a term
I revealed your secrets and your lies,
When I opened you up
Like rusty can of worms.
So pretty you are ..so pretty
My mother was pretty too
Well, she was until I 'popped' out her eyes.
You should have heard her screams
They reminded me of my own as a child.
Look at the mess you're making puppet
Not to worry though hey, I'll soon get it cleared away.
Your skin is so soft, a little clammy, but you're still warm
Don't look at me like that, bad, bad, puppet
Here, let me turn your head the other way.
So pretty
So pretty
Your hair reminds me of my little sisters.
Those blonde bouncy curls, she had too.
Until I set her head ablaze, that mesmerizing flame.
It was so funny, she was covered in blisters.
But your voice, your stinking, dirty voice
Just like my mothers, sick, twisted tongue.
That's why I had to remove yours puppet
You left me without a choice.
I've built a room, down in the cellar.
Where you and me can be together
Nobody has to know, only you and me
Would you like that puppet, would you
Do you love me?
To be continued :
©Jon.London 2010
Last Modified: February 18, 2012 at 03:53 pm
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Comments & Reviews ( X 26) |
CGmania
September 07, 2010
Helpful:
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Still Enthralled
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I LOVE where you're going with this. many years of psych intensive participation... some voluntary... some not so voluntary, make this all so familiar a territory for me. You are truly doing well to embrace the workings of the oedepic dellusional persona. I'm intrigued to no end, and that is something that doesn't come easy.
On this installment I did see a few places that might be worthy of attention. once again with "sisters hair" there was no apostrophe. seems as though it should read "Little Sister's".
I absolutely love the line structure, and the spacing. I like the layout. It almost forces inflection, which most poems don't when reading, unless you hear the original artist read first. As much as the aesthetics of the verse layout appeal to me, I had trouble as a reader follwing the stanza shift between 'Honest' and the close of the "rusty can of worms". (which by the way was by far my favorite line). I think I got the right delivery, but I had to read over it 3 times to follow the morbidity of the tone.
I do like the exchange of "no tongue in your head" and "hard to vocalize". It leaves the reader to decide for themself whether those statements blend as one, or if they are stand alone, which to my CG family usually means they are both... I'm a sucker for run on and/or blended word play.
all in all, this is moving along quite well. keep it coming! |
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Additional Comments (1)
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....Thanks again sweetheart...I always cherish your thoughts...You're such a sweetie 
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