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The Newfangled Sky



Author: stellarram
Created: September 29, 2014 at 01:20 pm
Upload Type: Poem, G (All)  
Category: Fantasy | Thriller | Romance
Upload Stats: 4 Stars by 1 users with 1 comments and 337 views

Who is Dancing?  

My note before you read this Poem: Some People just play with words. Some others think that they are creating a valuable work but they won't. Only very few write from within their souls and bring out bliss via their writing. I saw it in some writers but nowadays it is lacking among the majority. 

A Poem should either bring euphoria or evoke your inner thoughts. Not only is this poem of mine, but also my other works are written with the same intention.

Well, most of my poems do tell an interwoven story. This one is also not an exception. But this is the first time, I am writing a poem in two parts; as it is a bit complex for the readers to understand the theme. Your honest feedback is most welcome.

Who is Dancing?

Part - I

Who is dancing?

Is that me or is that you?
What’s the sound darling?
Are you straining to caress me; or am I?
My dear trance, is this a pretence?

Who is panting?
Is that me or is that you?
My dear fantasy, can you help me see?
Love is desire's key.
Lust is a sexy fee.

I can't see you, I can't see me; but I can sense us....
I am here; you are there, but we both are swaying; without me.
Are you a Love Sorcerer?
My sightlessness is not my gaffe.
But not to be able to see you is indeed my blunder.

Oh, what a night this is; thou light and thy kisses.
Wait a jiffy, who is he?
He is like me, he is dancing with you; I can sense the aura to be same as mine.
He is making me dance but I am not really dancing.
Everybody praises him by my name.

Please don't bring him to me.
But I want to know who he is…
You tell me it as a secret once he is gone.
I will sing three lines for you, my dear Lady!
Tan, tan, tan, I am your fan...

Tin, tin, tin, you are a gin...
Ta, ta, ta, your name is Greta...
I am still standing alone, near the staircase.
Why are you coming with him? Please don't come near me.
He will replace me; though I think he is me.

Everybody is watching, I will die, he will take over me.... Oh no, please!
Why no one is helping a visionless man even when I am shouting? Pleeeaaaaaseeeee.....
I am freezing, becoming a statue; nobody notices... Noooo!

Part - II

I opened my fancied eyes.
"Greta, am I back with a bang?"
"Yes Master, you are back as a one man gang!"
"People who came to the big bash, are they gone?"
"Yes they are gone; they are not here to see the Black Swan."

"Where is he, the blind me?"
"He is now an eyeless statue; you state me why did you become two?"
"He is a cynical sick"
"I need to split myself into two; one as him and one as me"
"Only a blind man can sense and see this world better; the results will be bitter"

"Ahan, what did you witness today?"
"Lots of things, but before that; take these as your wings".
Two swords were inserted on both sides of her.
"You are not Greta, you can't make me freta, because I found that you killed the real her; you lustful Witch!"
I and my blind statue high-fived each other.

© Stellar Ram 2014.



Last Modified: September 29, 2014 at 01:57 pm
© stellarram - all rights reserved

Author Notes


A Magician and his lady assistant are dancing in a party. Another blind man watches them from a distance. What happens next is the rest of this Poem! It is a thriller short story told with in a poem. Your progressive comments are welcome.

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Comments & Reviews



Niki123
September 30, 2014
Helpful? Thumbs UpThumbs Down
Your descriptive skills are beyond fantastic! However, my complete honest opinion is that the flow of the poem was disrupted in certain instances. It is beautiful how you tried managed to integrate the story into the format of a poem. However, this would have been more powerful story, I believe.



(Author)
Niki, I was thinking that no one except me will understand this poem because of its complexity. Kudos to you for reading it from Author's point of view.
If you read my previous poems; such as "Burning Mirror", "She is my Rainbow" etc; you would find them with the traditional poetic flow. I am a story writer as well so I try different stuff like this from time to time. My works always follows a non-linear flow where the flow is not from A to Z. It starts from M, goes till Z, then comes back to A and ends in M. I really appreciate your understanding skills. I take your point and try to write linear styled poems more often. 

Warm Regards,
Stellar Ram.

 stellarram replied on September 30, 2014



      

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