Nightmare

Author: Keneisha
Created: March 10, 2010 at 04:12 pm
Entry Type: Poem, T (13+)
Category: Sad | Suicide | Despair
Entry Stats: 4.75 Stars by 12 users with 16 comments 245 views
Nightmare 
plop
drop
a tear drop

crying
and fighting
them away

plop
drop
a blood drop

bleeding
and needing
a band-aid

dash
slash
a razor's slash

fleeing
repeating
again

drowsy
dizzy
I am so dizzy

my blood
over-run
its limit

....quiet....

piercing light
I just can't fight
turns green
in this crazy daydream

hills rolling
mountains tolling
swings running
amongst lollipop fields

black clothing
now white clothing
disaster all
just disappear

clean wrists
the breeze wisps
melodies are
singing in my ears

sirens yelling
screaming I fear
the dream is over
the nightmare still here.

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Comments & Reviews ( X 9)

JEdwardNolan
March 24, 2010

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Waking to reality
This is an incredibly moving poem. It is descriptive, and compelling. That being said, it is also disturbing. The one thing in life I cannot understand is suicide; the concept of taking a life; ones own life; why? What could ever be so bad that the next sunrise will not wash away?

Life is too precious a thing; Blood is too precious a commodity, in these times.

All the same, Brava, your skill shows here very clearly.
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Summ-a-Bradlee
March 20, 2010

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I love it!!!
It is REALLY TRULY great!! Maybe you can give Ellen Hopkins a run for her money! lol
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sweetforest
March 16, 2010

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I agree with jonashton - this is like two poems in one. But I love the fact that you changed the rhythm of the poem from very short and urgent in the beginning, to longer and more thought provoking towards the end. This is very sad and mimics some of my own work. I love it! Very nice work!
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gareth
March 16, 2010

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very good
this is a very simply written poem that is so cleverly put together, powerful and emotional fantastic write!
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jonashton
March 13, 2010

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This looks like two poems!

I like how after the quiet it starts to speed up like madness. I'd imagine your heart would be beating faster and your breathing would rapidly increase after slitting your wrists, so this makes sense.

Great work
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ActionStarr
March 12, 2010

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damn girl, good stuff, i see why it's nominated and shit. It's a good write. You need to make more like it
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SimpleWords
March 12, 2010

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this is a sad poem, and yet it has a somewhat of a loving death feeling to it I suppose if that's what you want to call it. It's true that we all just want to live a dream.
Great write thanks for sharing,
+S+
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katwin
March 12, 2010

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i liked it. at first i was a little confused about what was going on,but that was what made it so great. the last words were very powerful.
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545maxwell
March 12, 2010

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perfecto
this was awesome and perfect!! the last lines were my favorite. oh and im nominating it
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babyjoker94
March 12, 2010

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Very......very.....very....very...GOOD!! I love it.
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LordSpaz
March 11, 2010

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wow
Wow hun, Great write....took me a minute to get everything from it, I can tell there is pain, fear, the feeling of being alone ( I think), the need to be loved. all together a great read. Very dark, You made short lines work on this one. One more time...great Job
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simon
March 11, 2010

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:)
i love this style. i started writing like this a while ago.. and fell in love with it. you were very expressive!!! and i have to say great job. keep it up and of course nomination
!!!
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DeviantWriter88
March 11, 2010

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Shows mixed emotions - to wanting to live in a beautiful dream but stuck in the nightmare. Nice Work!
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justice4all89
March 10, 2010

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Terrifying
My favorite word in the entire English language: onomatopoeia... Utiliized to the full potential in this poem. Well done. I find layer upon layer of meaning, an organized chaos of words and thoughts, just like the experience in the poem. Thank you for sharing this terrifyingly terrific piece of art.
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WhisperedDreams
March 10, 2010

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Impressive
Normally I comments on grammar. I think I'll simply claim an Emily Dickinson moment and go from there. This is impressive. Emotional and chaotic. I will have to wonder some at the meaning, but I suspect it will be different for everyone. Good work!
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kimmyj
March 10, 2010

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Wonderful!
I cannot believe that no one at all reviewed this poem. They are totally missing out! I loved this poem. It started so little and simple, and then wam! Filled with so much meaning, peace and disaster all at the same time!
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