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I Want To Be The Girl That Flies

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Author: Brokenshards

Created: March 02, 2013 at 12:26 pm

Entry Type: Poem, G (All)

Category: General/Other | General/Other | General/Other

Entry Stats: 4.37 Stars by 4 users with 4 comments 46 views

I Want To Be The Girl That Flies

I want to be the girl that flies
With crystal wings
Across blue skies
Untouchable
From down below
Always knowing
Where to go
I want to be the girl that lands
And this girl is greeted
With outstretched hands
I want my friends to keep me safe
From that scary lonely terrible place
I want to be the girl that dances
She’s not afraid of taking chances
She’s been burned
But she’s not shy
I want to be the girl that flies

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Comments & Reviews (

X 5)

RisingPoet
March 04, 2013

Helpful:

Loved it!!

This poem is great! It reminded me of one of my own poems "I Wish the Cat Could Speak". You should check it out sometime~ It has a similar feeling and structure as this poem. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work!

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vivididol
March 04, 2013

Helpful:

it's light and fluffy and suits it's purpose in that it's nice to read many different types of poems rather than serious stuff all the time. a little light refreshment that does not tax the brain too much. On a critical note the poem loses it's beat lines 8 to 12 (line 12 in particular having too many syllables [extra metric foot if you want to be technical] which spoils the reading) overall a nice wee piece : )

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failte
March 02, 2013

Helpful:

Nicely penned with

an ethereal feeling that tends to send the reader floating along with you into the skies. You have used lovely descriptive narrative all through and your rhyming quality is excellent. One thing I might change would be "I want to be the girl that lands and greeted with outstretched hands". I don't think you need to say girl twice in two consecutive lines. Other than that one thing, this is a very lovely poem. And WELCOME to the site. I hope you will like it here. And here are a few points to get your started. Sarah

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bebbybubbles99
March 02, 2013

Helpful:

Nice :)

We all feel that way sometimes. I enjoyed this piece; it was nice to read, but that was about it. It didn't really convey much emotion other than (your?) hopes. I still think it rhymed really well and it was a nice uplifting poem.

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