A Poem by richom

Author: richom
Created: April 17, 2017 at 07:32 am
Upload Type: Poem, M (16+)  
Category: Humor | Emotional | Travel
Upload Stats: 5 comments and 195 views

Highway Wars


It's closing time, I'm sad to say.
The clock insists it's after five.
Now starts the hardest part of day,
The long, infernal homeward drive.  

I leave my job and peace behind
And hit the highway as before.
To traffic tie-ups I'm resigned.
I'm off to fight uncivil war. 

A dozen blocks and there it lurks,
The dreaded freeway entrance turn.
I join again familiar jerks
Whose road behavior makes me burn.

I choose the right lane for a while.
It's slower, but it lessens stress.
I vow today to wave and smile
At fools and foes and rage suppress.

They're weaving in and out of lanes,
The same old restless maniacs.
A bunch of dolts whose addled brains
Imagine these are NASCAR tracks.

The flow is moving rather well,
Until I see a traffic jam.
An altar scene from highway hell
Where I'm the sacrificial lamb.

The guy behind me's in a rush,
A honking dunce whose mood is sour.
Most probably a chronic lush
Who's mad at missing happy hour.

But right in front's the slowest poke
Who ever sat behind a wheel.
It's known the posted speed's a joke,
But this poor snail believes it's real.

The sluggish traffic further slows.
I spot a wreck and loudly curse.
Some feeble geezer, I suppose,
Or reckless teen has made things worse.

Then passing on the left's a dame
Whose eyes are down, not on the road.
"I was not texting," she will claim
When autos crash and then are towed.

Good grief!  The traffic's merging right.
Of all the times to fix the road.
Why can't those yahoos work at night?
Much more of this and I'll explode.

And adding to this mammoth mess,
My air conditioning is broke.
I'm roasting, bored, and in distress
And badly need some weed to smoke.

I spy a madman on my tail
And feel an urge to slam my brakes.
We'd smash, but he'd be hauled to jail
If I possessed the guts it takes.

Now trapped between gigantic trucks,
My vision's blocked, both front and back.
This torture called commuting sucks.
The sole solution is attack.

I'm tired and no more give a hoot,
I swerve into the passing lane,
Prepared with finger to salute
Should cutoff drivers dare complain.

Impatient, hot, and feeling foul,
With pedal floored, I pick up speed.
Until I hear a siren's howl
And stopped by cops, I guilty plead.

I'm home.  The long ordeal is done.
I'm weary, sweaty, sore, and stink.
Another costly gauntlet run.
I need a hug and stiffened drink.

I often wish I'd lose my job,
Then happily at home I'd stay.
I'd face no more that rush hour mob
And live on unemployment pay.

Last Modified: April 18, 2017 at 05:49 am
© richom - all rights reserved

Author Notes

Originally posted three years ago, I've added the emoticons and one stanza--the one about the trucks. Based on what I've seen, traffic conditions are no better today.

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Comments & Reviews ( X 10)

April 22, 2017
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This being 3 years old means I probably commented on it then but --------
This place I live is a tourist magnet for much of the world and our traffic explodes as the tourists pile on. They don't know where they are going which is completely exasperating and the teen workers riding bikes to their summer jobs and not well aware of the traffic around them. This adds 3 to 4 hours to my summer day!

I could have mentioned some bicyclists, motorcyclists who weave in and out, and even walkers along the side of the road who walk side by side, perilously close to the passing cars.  But the poem was already very long.  I fondly remember a western trip we made a few years ago to Wyoming, Montana, and the Dakotas and the pleasure of driving on roads with very little traffic.  If only city commutes were as relaxing.

 richom replied on April 23, 2017

April 19, 2017
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I always enjoy reading Your stories shaped in rhyming poems, it's really like a war, this rush hysterical life we are living proved through traffics, where is the silence that bounds with peace and beauty... lost in the noises of life... this affects us badly, if I could and it's not far.. I would use my feet, I sure won't live but somewhere quite with nature and trees...
Thank You for reposting this, and much peace to You.

Thank you very much for reviewing this.  Before retirement, my commutes to work were always quite short, so I didn't suffer as much as this poem suggests.  But I observed enough to feel great sympathy for the millions who commute long distances every day.  (That sympathy didn't prevent me from having fun with their problems in this poem, however.) 

 richom replied on April 22, 2017

April 17, 2017
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From three years ago, Ricard, I'd say traffic conditions are not one whit better, but this piece recalls my similar experiences in Los Angeles...35 years ago...and in Houston, TX, 14 years ago...and not one whit better. But nowadays I eschew freeways as often and as enthusiastically as I can. A really enjoyable read.

I'm with you, Jim.  I avoid the expressways and take back roads as often as possible.   The trips take longer, but you also get to see more interesting things than on the major highways.

 richom replied on April 18, 2017

April 17, 2017
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Creative . . .
Ah, I used to commute for nearly ten miles from the center of New Orleans to get back home from work, talk bout insanity! Spotlight!

Thank you, Ram.  I wonder if the people who commute like this realize how much of their lives they are wasting on them.

 richom replied on April 18, 2017

I suppose you could call it wasted life, but commuting like that means  you have a job, a house, wife and kids and you are doing that in order to support them. Still . . . It's a bitch to have to do it.

 RamSlade replied on April 18, 2017

April 17, 2017
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Been there, done that!
Great piece of moaning poetry Richard, another of your monumental sized pieces but well worth the journey by a reader. the UK news today is the demand for a new driving test for people over the age of 85 so I have to start paying attention to my driving abilities and not to the behaviour of other drivers. Too many cars and not enough road space is the problem over this side of the pond and not enough police control. If we can't keep driving we will have to keep writing. Enjoyed this as I always do with your postings, keep your eyes on the road Richard, take care. Rod.

Same here.  Our population keeps growing, but few new roads are being built, which inevitably means even worse traffic.
B y the way, has anyone ever told you Brits that you're driving on the wrong side of the road?  We drive on the right, and since we're Americans, of course we are correct.
Just having some fun, Rod.  Maybe I can stir up another war between our countries--the last one ended 203 years ago.

 richom replied on April 18, 2017

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